RingoYo Soy Un Perdedor. I look back at the last year or so of my fighting, and I notice a disturbing trend. I have a lot, like a lot, of losses recently. Possibly more losses than wins and regardless, not on a winning streak. That’s a problem as a fighter. A common piece of wisdom I’ve heard about fighters is that to be a champion; you need to have this almost delusional belief you can beat anyone at any time. This has been a problem for me most of my fighting career in that I try hard to be accurate in my self-analysis and have to over-correct for this narcissistic tendency. That tends to generally have me thinking I’m slightly worse than I am.
Now, however, I have a different problem. I’ve not been paying enough attention to my results and believe my previous analysis was accurate. When I’ve done stats and looked at my qualitative performance, I’ve identified mistakes, but mostly felt I’m still a top fighter because of a few good moments and decent overall performance. But I’ve forgotten one very important part; Great Players win. The difference between good and great is not whether someone masters skills or memorizes the correct plays or gets the required athleticism. It’s whether they get Golds. And I haven’t recently.
I’ve been making excuses. I’ve been ok taking the L’s, not letting it eat at me. I’ve gotten complacent and deliberately put my focus elsewhere. I don’t regret that. At the time, it’s what I needed and wanted. I realize though that I have lost more than a step or two, and I am NOT OK with this bullshit. I believe I deserve to be at the top of this game, and I still believe I am one the best, whatever Craig Ivey says( come at me bro :* ). But I’m not performing to that level, and right now I’m not where I want to be. “Cause I want to be the Very Best. Like No one ever was. To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause?” Wait no. To be better than all the rest, To make them lick my balls? But like pronounce “bawws” kinda. Close enough. Let’s just move on and forget that part.
About a year ago, I flew out to Texas and got stomped in a hybrid Knight/Pro fight by Sean Hanson, a good up and coming fighter, but also only has maybe a year of XP and was 20 pounds lighter than me. I told myself I was just weirdly tired. I ignored my lack of defense or that I couldn’t string together a combo. My chapter team lost two fights to the Highlanders and the Knightmares, both strong teams with capable fighters. All we needed to do was win a few melee rounds because we had the line up to dominate the singles. I ignored my lack of offense and my inability to carry a team or that I couldn’t perform near the end of the matches; I told myself it wasn’t my job, and I just had freak days. The Executioners went out to Detroit; I literally fell down on my own one round. We couldn’t put together a win against Skallagrims. They were dope, experienced fighters who knew the ruleset better than us, but I was fighting with my boys supposedly putting out a danger squad, and we didn’t manage to land any clean axe shots. I ignored that I got trapped; that I stayed on the rail; that I didn’t move, or play my game. I told myself I had freak armor issues, that it was because I wasn’t used to the list. I lost a Knight Fight tournament to Brian Juranty. I lost a barrier tournament to Chuck Goodwin. And, this weekend, a loss to a fighter in his first fight because I felt cock strong enough to just game the rules instead of taking it seriously.
A year of silvers, of losses, of feeling tired, of being sloppy, of not moving well, of not living up to my internal expectations, but not adjusting or fixing. I was ok with that last year. I no longer am. I’ve had these hype moments before and to be honest they’ve never lasted, which is one reason, of many, why I’ve never made it to being the top fighter I want to be. I’m not sure things are different besides I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve matured, and I’m far better at reaching and setting goals than I used to be. Also, more than anything, I see an end-point. I don’t think I have much time left in the competitive level of this sport. I keep getting injured. I’ve seen the next wave of young athletes; we may only be a few years to a decade away from needing to be a young athlete to be top-level(or we may be multiple decades or perhaps it never comes). I also want to stop obsessing at some point. I want to get back to telling stories. I want to get back to learning and creating as my passions. But first… I want to go out on top.
For now, that means becoming the best singles fighter, because as much as I love melee, I don’t know that I have longevity in it. It’s easier to excel in as you get older, but it also relies on strength and size, which I will not have. As my speed goes, so may my chance to hit that top level. Also, it may require more constitution than I have. I’m apparently far more fragile than I like to admit and keep losing training time. That will affect me for more in melee, where I can’t risk coming back at 50% recovery, due to the chaotic nature inherent within.
This next year of training will help me realize what I have left and whether it’s, at all, realistic to try and make the melee push. But even if it doesn’t, having the best team is equally important. So, even if I can’t carry the team on the field, gonna push them in the gym, which, as Ali said, is where the fight is won. I’m tired of silver, and I know the boys are too.
I’m tired of losing. So, new goals. People don’t get to touch me in fights. My cardio needs to come up, no more lazy rounds. No more dropping the shield. No more stopping moving. No more “not throwing shots.” No more need to pace myself. My defense Needs to come up. No more looping level changes. No more sloppy blocks. No more not being in guard. My striking needs to come up. No more throwing just one blow. No predictable combos. No more just throwing to throw, always be setting something up. My Grappling Needs to come up. No more just surviving. No more letting them pick the type of fight, no more getting trapped. No more accepting someone can’t be thrown.
Time to up the training. Time to up the sparring. Time to up the recovery work. Time to fix the nutrition. Time to get serious Again.
Craig seems to be the name for pro-fights in America, so I’m coming for you. Sam is the longsword name…I’m coming for you too. And I’m not a pole guy or sword and shield but fuck it, if I can’t make it competitive between Micah and Aveloc I’m not hitting that goal. I just wrote a check… let’s see if I can cash it when this pandemic shit ends.