RingoTried writing a comedy routine as a change of pace. This is meant to be performed on a stage for an audience…and never will. Hope y’all like it.
If there was ever proof of humanity’s incompetence it’s the inability to follow right of way in traffic. The worst part about it is it’s not just jerks who are trying to get ahead. Like I can get mother fuckers who don’t care about anyone else but themselves. Greed as a motivator is understandable and better yet predictable. No, the people who really piss me off are the ones who TRY to help. Like those who stop at a 4 way intersection to let you go, when they have no stop sign and you do. There’s no way to predict what’s happening there safely so you basically just have to wait till they completely stop, but then half the time they think that means you’re not going so they speed up again…so you have to wait even longer to make sure they really want to let you go.
Fuck those guys. How dare you try to do something nice, and fuck it up. Now you’ve slowed us both down, asshole. Probably slowed down traffic in both lanes causing a mini jam here all cause you thought you knew better. We have a fucking system. The system works. No need to buck it for charity no one fucking asked for.
Honestly I think we should kill everyone who fucks up right of way. Would drastically reduce traffic jams and people would learn how to act right real quick. It’s not even that hard to do. Like we don’t need a court or juries or anything. Plant a camera up on every interaction and like every mile marker on the highways. Have a computer look over it and detect any time someone breaks protocol.
This is exactly the type of shit computers are great at. Identifying similar objects and determining clear patterns that follow explicit rules? Done and done.
Before you scream Skynet, let me assure you that it wont be that. 2 reasons. 1 we don’t hook the computer up to any killing things. All it does is give a yes or no to elimination and then seal team six drops in and cleans ups. 2 is that computer programming teams will make sure it’s good. I speak from experience, 10 years in the industry as a software tester and like in 95% of the code I test I find bugs so we’re good.
*pause*
Ok it’s possible I phrased that poorly. I’m not saying 95% of software released has bugs, I’m pointing out how good testers are at finding them, so they get fixed before they go out the door. We catch so many bugs so like when this gets released I’m sure it’ll be fine.
What about all the times apps crash on your phone? Or video game glitches where people just fall through floors or get stuck in walls? Yeah you don’t have to worry about that. That’s just because we don’t care about users. Ya’ll are just dumb. This, these engineers would like cause its a system, pristine.
Oh don’t give me that look, it’s true. You guys are fucking stupid. The reason we don’t bother fixing stuff is most user problems are just ID ten T errors, or the problem existing between the chair and keyboard. If you don’t get those jokes it just proves the point. Users are fucking stupid and you can’t stupid proof anything, so we basically just stopped trying. Yes, what I’m saying is everytime a computer misbehaves it’s your fault. Explicitly. You did something dumb and you should feel bad. Like the guy who stops when he doesn’t have to. In fact, maybe we should just kill everyone who gets a computer error. That’s it!
*Pulls out phone*
Just need to jot this down in my notepad app. Fuck it crashed…
*Looks up panicked.*
Uhh…
On second thought, maybe killing is a bit harsh. Maybe just uh mild public shaming? Yeah that sounds good.